Film of the Week: Hereditary

Hereditary doesn’t focus on the traditional jump scares, but instead emphasises on emotion. It manipulates the character’s, push them to the edge. The film focuses on uncovering the secrets of the past.

The one statement most horror films gets accused of is being the same as all the rest. The clichés of these horror films can dampen the scare factor, and potentially make the audience bored. If the story doesn’t hold as much weight as we would like, sometimes the scare factor can keep it from sinking – other times, the story can be better than the horror element. You may argue that a horror film that doesn’t scare well isn’t a good at being a horror film, and that would be a valid point, but those that have a decent story gets away with being called a bad film altogether. There seems to be a fine line between a good horror film and a bad one, but sometimes, an absolutely spectacular film comes along that ticks every box there is. Hereditary is exactly that type of film. It scares, it has an incredible story, and does what a lot of horrors don’t do and that’s utilising the clichés in a different way.

No horror film, no matter how good it is, will ever escape from the clichés, but it’s those that uses those clichés in a different way, which keeps the horror genre fresh. Hereditary’s fluid camera movements throughout the house makes it seem as if the camera was its own spirit, floating through their home, haunting the character’s. We don’t know what’s haunting the family until much later on in the film, and so this artistic choice almost makes us haunting them, as if the characters are always looking over the shoulder for a camera dangling over them. Then we learn what has really been haunting them, we discover it as they – or rather the mother does, who’s the one most affected by all of this, and is unintentionally continuing the ritual that her mother started, with the believe she’s communicating with her daughter only but also something much more sinister.

It puts a new spin on the atmosphere of a horror movie, and the one thing I’ve learnt is anything new in a horror is of itself, terrifying, because we’re not expecting it in the slightest. With most of the horror films I’ve watched, with them being filled to the brim with clichés and nothing really new just an attempt to scare the audience, it’s not a scary film. Sure, the jump scares are sudden and it’s a natural reaction to jump at something sudden. However, when a horror movie actually does something original, nothing ever becomes expected anymore, and that’s what makes Hereditary properly scary through and through.

A good amount of horror movies also include simplicity as a way to boost quality. Not so much is going on all at once, allowing the audience to focus and process on exactly what they need to, and then go in for the jump scare if applicable. This tactic is often utilised for maximum effect, and on occasion gives us a fake jump scare or nothing at all, leaving us wondering what’s going to happen next. With Hereditary, the simplicity is definitely there, and the quality of the film is superb, but there are hardly any jump scares. We’re scared because of the way the film focuses on manipulating the situation and character’s feelings, and with a sprinkling of supernatural elements here and there, just to ramp up the scare factor even more.

I was invested in Hereditary for all the right reasons, and it was because I was so drawn into the story, the horror kept the hairs on the back of my head, but cleverly placed the few jump scares in exactly the right places. When you’re lost in the story, wanting to know more, scared by the emotional elements, then it hit you with a jump scare, just to remind you this film isn’t remaining on the same level throughout. And, the few and far between jump scares mixed within the strong emotional atmosphere, there’s a good chance I would forget where those jump scares are on my second watch and be caught out by them just as I did before, keeping the film as fresh as on my first watch.

I absolutely do recommend Hereditary for a good night in, especially on Halloween night. I recommend Hereditary not purely because of how scary it is, but for the quality of the story, the actor’s performances, and the unique direction. Hereditary is a film that shouldn’t fall into obscurity as years passed, but hopefully remain at the top of many people’s lists as a new classic, and a must watch.

Thanks for reading

Antony Hudson

(TonyHadNouns)

Mum's Monday: A Quiet Place

Featuring guest writer: Antony Hudson

The start of the film, you know what happened to the rest of the area and you quickly know why the family in this film has survived so long, which leaves the film with a small cast but that is all this film needs.

It is sad to see that a child will still want to be and act like a child and not see the dangers they can put themselves and their family in.

This is a unique film and well executed. The pacing was written well to keep the audience knowing what is going on at all times. The film is written well to accommodate the lack of dialogue without the need of subtitles. The tense moments were not completely overshadowed by loud music, just perfectly atmospheric for each situation. As a horror film, it is scary. There are a few good jump scares, but it mostly focuses on the tense, unrelenting silence, where at any moment a normal noise would sound off, and due to the atmosphere, each normal noise is automatically amplified – and these scenes you find yourself on the edge of your seat throughout, not knowing entirely what’s going to happen as the creatures are mainly kept hidden.

As the film progresses you wonder how a normal happy event is going to stay quiet, but the solution is worked out really well, including the light signalling system which is a brilliant idea.

There is one part I cannot watch with the nail but it gives the film enough intrigue and to keep you interested. As you are on the edge of your seat most of this film, this gives it a whole new level.

The film is perfectly long enough and ends at exactly the right time, because it no longer needs to be ‘A Quiet Place’ but it is sad to see the solution wasn’t worked out before tragedy struck though.

This film made me question my noisy life and how and what I would need to do to stay quiet if my life and my family’s life depended on it.

This is a genius idea for a film and every aspect had to be thought out even down to the counters used on a board game for family entertainment. The people who made this film wasn’t just making a film they were making a quiet family life which although a great idea they didn’t give themselves an easy task to accomplish, but managed to pull it off all the same.

Jerry's Journal: Having a Bath

As Jerry is now a big boy, he can no longer fit in the bathroom sink, where he used to have baths. This is the first time he's had a bath in the kitchen sink, and as it's new scenery, he was a little nervous.

But, as we bathed him, he sniffed around and grew confident. He looked up at the time I took the picture, hence why I cut the top of his head of, but it just shows he's getting used to the kitchen sink as his new bath.

Thanks for reading

Antony Hudson

(TonyHadNouns)

The Written Podcast: Painkillers, and the Feeling of Them Working

Painkillers don’t actually kill the pain. This is a fairly common fact. They’re wrongly named, because they only cut the signal from those tender nerves to your brain. Without boring you with the science, but a certain chemical is released to momentarily make you believe the pain is no longer there, subsequently helping you relax and concentrate on whatever activity the pain is preventing you from completing.

Those adverts you see littered all over TV, about how painkillers give you the ability to run and jump around, bend and contort yourself, pick up heavy objects or children and heave them onto your back. Of course these adverts have to state – in their own way – how their painkiller is the one to by above all else. I’m a human being which at some point I’ve experienced enough pain to warrant taking some painkillers, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to stand, walk, or even sleep properly unless I took something to stop those nerves from screaming. I’ve also discovered that with those painkillers only cutting off the signal between nerves and brain, those nerves are still pulsating. Those nerves are still screaming in pain; only no one can hear them anymore.

I also learnt that the correct way to take painkillers is to stop feeling the pain whilst you rest in order to settle those nerves down. Running around the house with a child on my back is not something I would want to do. Imagine, if you will, incredible back pain, preventing you from standing up straight and walking properly, and then out of the blue, a child jumps onto your back. Two things would happen: You would collapse and then scream in pain because those nerves are screaming in pain. Now, take the pain away but keep those nerves screaming before the child jumps on your back, and then… those nerves would pulsate as violently as before, just you cannot feel it anymore. That means you’ve probably done more damage than if you would just sit down and relax, or take it easy when walking around the house.

Basically, those adverts are straight up lying to you, on a technical note. You absolutely can run around the house with a child on your back, but the moment those painkillers start wearing off and the nerves regain their voice, you’re going to be in even more pain that before… this will then force you to take more painkillers… Oh, I finally see their intention now… these companies would rather destroy your back instead of making an honest pound…

Was that too harsh? I doubt these companies actively want to destroy people’s backs, otherwise they wouldn’t help relieve the pain, but instead do the total opposite. But, then why show people potentially making their backs worse, or knees worse by running, or hands worse by carrying on with their DIY?

Maybe I’m looking at these adverts too literal. There’s a good chance that they simply want to show what can be achieved once you’ve taken these painkillers. The fact that you could run around with a child on your back shows how effective those pills actually are. They’re so good at getting rid of the pain you wouldn’t feel it at all when doing anything… even though if you attempted to do anything you probably would ultimately damage your nerves further. So, their showing you what can be achieved, even though the thing their showing you can do isn’t at all recommended. So their showing what isn’t recommended you do to prove how effective their painkillers are. So their showing how effective their painkillers are by warping reality enough that not one of those people in advertland wouldn’t have any worsening effects once the pills have worn off… I think I’m confusing myself.

But we still buy them. We still take them. And I’m confident a good portion of people who do buy a particular painkiller on the basis of an advert does have the knowledge that you shouldn’t run around, but instead rest and relax. I do feel for those who do fall for the fakery within those adverts… poor choice of words?

We buy them because we know they work. It’s as simple as that. And we will continue to take them – that’s also just as simple. Regardless of what those adverts say, when you’re experiencing unrelenting pain, all you want to do is get rid of it, and there’s a good chance that we may not actually care what painkiller we take as long as it gets rid of the pain, and isn’t illegal. Not sure why I had to add that last part.

Before I continue to overanalyse something that probably needn’t have been, I will more on to talking about the second part of this podcast’s title, and that’s the feeling of them working once they’ve kicked in. I could say: Long story short, it’s weird, and leave it there. But I’m sure there’s a few of you out there who would love to know why it’s weird, so this part of the podcast is for you.

After a particularly long day at work, the sun was overpowering my vision about ninety-nine percent of my day, and strained my eyes. That amount of intense light made my eyes ache by the time I crawled into bed. This isn’t the first time my eyes have been affected, and so I was confident in not taking any painkillers, because sleeping usually does the trick. Having my eyes closed for eight hours straight allows them to settle down and by the time my alarm goes off, they’re OK again.

Unfortunately, this time wasn’t to be the case. I got woken up due to the pain in my eyes being sharp. They had been strained so much, that the rapid eye movement of REM sleep made the nerves at the back scream, waking me up. Knowing they wouldn’t get better naturally, because if they were going to, my sleep wouldn’t have been disturbed, I had no choice but to take some painkillers. When you’re trying to rest your eyes, they hurt. So, I got up and took a brand of painkillers I won’t be mentioning, as this isn’t a podcast that’s about to start a war between which painkiller is better. Don’t worry, it wasn’t illegal… not sure why I had to add that part

I took a couple of pills with some water and made my way back to bed, and waited. Normally, when you do take some painkillers, you would carry on. Not with anything strenuous as running around with a child on your back, but instead, distract yourself: Read a book, watch TV, play games, write a podcast; something that occupies your brain enough that once those painkillers have kicked in and have cut the signal, you may not notice it. There have been plenty of occasions when I noticed the pain has gone, but not sure when exactly it went away – that’s a good thing because I knew my nerves were relaxing as intended.

This particular time, however, I had nothing to distract myself. I went to bed and laid in the dark, staring up at the ceiling. And then the pain went away. I wasn’t counting the seconds before it did, but I knew it went away, because it wasn’t a gradual decrease, but a sudden cut off point as if the painkillers went up the nerves and switched them off like a light switch. Yes, I’m aware that’s their intention, but feeling that moment happen was weird. The pain simply went. I felt it no more. No minutes passed before it was gone, but a second. The feeling of pain going away instantly was… a strange feeling – borderline indescribable, because it was at the time. I was waiting for them to kick it, but wasn’t sure when they would, and so when they did, I was surprised.

I did get back to sleep and by the morning my eyes were perfectly fine once more. Now imagine if I took those painkillers during the day and continued straining my eyes, but I couldn’t feel the pain anymore. How bad would they ache during the night once the pills had worn off? I dread to think.

Adverts tells us the facts: They’re good painkillers; but they don’t tell us all the facts. We would probably be in excruciating pain once they’re worn off. Painkillers do certainly work, and if you pay attention to when they do, the instant lack thereof any pain is a weird feeling to have, but one thing for sure is it’s definitely better than the pain of which was before the weirdness… I’m sure I could have worded that last part a bit differently to make it sound a little more philosophical, but that would make it sound out of place; just like the weirdness that comes… nope, I’ll stop there.

Thanks for reading

Antony Hudson

(TonyHadNouns)

TV Show of the Week: The Haunting of Hill House

Spoiler free review of the first episode.

Netflix has been releasing a monumental amount of content recently. Admittedly, a sizable junk of it doesn’t fall within my taste, but now and again a particular movie or show comes along that intrigues me. The Haunting of Hill House did exactly that, not because I’ve read the book and wanted to see how this adapted the story, but instead I’ve heard great things about the scare factor.

With Netflix being a massive rich company, it can pump a large amount of money into each production, and this show is no exception. And, with it being a primarily online company, whilst it is regulated by the BBFC (British Broadcasting Film Classification) as to what can and cannot be shown, there are fewer restrictions Netflix has to follow. There’s no network guidelines, no need to prepare for any particular watershed, and isn’t working off that network’s budget. Netflix is capable of moving freely when making content, and therefore can ramp up the horror factor in The Haunting of Hill House. The quality of the show before even the horror begins proves this isn’t going to be any ordinary show.

I haven’t read the book. I knew nothing of the story before going into this show. All I had to rely on was how the first episode introduced our characters and teased how the horror would play out. It jumps back and forth across the timeline, giving us two perspectives but from the same people – when they were children, and when they’ve grown up into struggling adults who’ve clearly been affected by some tragedy and was forced to make amends on their own for a while.

It jumps to and fro a few times, establishing who they were and who they are now during present day. If there’s an episode – or indeed if the second episode does cement us in present day after telling all that there is to tell with in the past, then it would make the show better. I’ve nothing against jumping back and forth, but a couple of times during the show, a particular jump scare distracted me from knowing what was going on, or indeed who was meant to be who when it went forward to present day. Netflix completely, unintentionally created a trap for themselves; they made the horror so good it made the pacing of the first episode hard to follow. However, now that I’ve gotten an idea of what to expect for the second episode and probably the following 8, it’ll be better to understand it better.

The horror throughout the episode was on point. This is the first horror TV show where I can say it’s scare factor is on par with the films. The films aren’t restricted by any particular guidelines most networks are meant to follow, and so implementing film quality horror into a TV show, make the show 10 episodes long, and I can fully understand why this show has been getting critical acclaim from most critics and average viewers alike. With each episode being around an hour long, they can tease the horror and spoon feed it to us gradually, really hitting home and ramping up the scare factor. The first episode ended on a huge jump scare that sent shivers down my spine. I lept off my chair and nearly pulled the speakers that had my headphones connected to, off my desk. My heart was certainly racing after that, and made me thoroughly look forward to the next episodes in the series.

Thanks for reading

Antony Hudson

(TonyHadNouns)

Mum's Monday: Footloose

This film starts off with the iconic, easy dance along and catchy theme song of the same name as the film.

It quickly turns to a quiet town where everyone is in church. Despite the reverend Rev. Shaw Moore (John Lithgow) is preaching it is good and clear to see that youngsters are going to be youngsters no matter what.

It is worrying to see the danger that Ariel (Lori Singer) puts herself in with her friends. This keeps you on the edge of you seat and you have to wander whether she would be doing this if her dad wasn’t so restrictive in his attitude. 

This film shows how much music can make you feel good, everyone is dancing and having a good time. The shock is when Ariel’s dad, Rev Shaw Moore, turns up. The silence is deafening. 

Ren (Kevin Bacon) is a new-comer to the small town. He is used to reading books that are disagreeable to the town and he then turns up at school with his car radio playing loud music. He clearly has a lot to learn about the town.

It is sad to hear the reason why ‘Rock and Roll’ music is banned in the town and although severe, I can see some of the logic in thinking that type of music is bad.

It seems driving tractors is not easy and can be dangerous, that you may want to check your laces. The sound track also really makes the scenes as well.

It is good how this film makes the one watching it see that music can make you feel good, is uplifting and can help when, after or after bad things have happened in your life. You can see why a blanket ban on ‘Rock and Roll’ music leaves the town quiet and subdued in comparison to the youngsters expressing themselves.

It is sad to see Ariel put herself in danger once again, she is definitely not small town. it is good to see that she wants to spread her wings and get away and experience the life she knows is out there, but this high-lights the more you try to restrict someone or something the more determined they are to go against it.

It is also sad to see that just because a new-comer is normal to the outside world he is classed as a trouble maker. The small town does feel like a close knit community bubble; Ren is about to pop.

It is good to see Ariel’s mum (Dianne Wiest) see things clearly and it is good to hear her speak out at last. She is quiet for most of this film but as this film shows, there is only so much a person can take. The script is clever in that we see that she has observed all that has been going on and puts across a good clear point of view. 

It is amusing but lovely to see Willard (Christopher Penn) learn to dance. It turns out after a blundering start he turns out to be a natural dancer. 

It is sad to see the reaction of the local people to the dance. It is sad to see disregard for children being in the house and can a dance really be worth losing a job over. This is sad to see and I worry for the characters.  

The council meeting is very well scripted. Using the bible is a well thought out idea, especially when Rev. Shaw Moore has the words he preaches in church turned back on him.

One of the townsfolk is a strong voice for Rev. Shaw Moore and the town but times seem to be changing. It seems Rev. Shaw Moore has lost the battle, is tired and defeated. This show that being so restrictive can be exhausting. 

It is good to see the film point out that a lot of people lose someone they love. It is not just the towns families that have lost people. It is happening all over. It is how you deal with the loss that what counts.

You can arrange a dance but then you have to get the people to dance.

And you can ‘Footloose’

The Written Podcast: Doctor Who – Season 11 – Episode 1: The Woman Who Fell to Earth

I am a massive fan of Doctor Who. It wasn’t until two-thousand and seven, two years after the show had come back on air, and at the backend of series three that I started watching the show. In fact, my first ever episode of Doctor Who was Blink – which has been noted as not only one of the best episodes of the show’s life, but also one of the scariest.

Of course, I had known about Doctor Who before sitting down and watching it, because my mum mentioned how she used to watch it when she was younger, and how it gave her nightmares. One of the most notable elements in Doctor Who is the scare factor, with the unofficial tagline stating you’d watch the show from behind your sofa. Blink, being the scariest episode in the series, certainly cemented those passing references before. But it hooked me. Blink wasn’t just scary, it was clever. Steven Moffatt, the now former showrunner, used to write a couple of episodes per season during the Russell T. Davies era, and knocked each and every episode he wrote out of the park. Blink instantly got me into Doctor Who, because it was the perfect introductory episode. It scared me, it included time travel in a clever way, and the story itself was outstanding from beginning to end. It’s also the only episode in season three where the Doctor, the main protagonist, doesn’t actually appear for much during the episode.

The next three episodes, Utopia, The Sound of Drums, and The Last of the Time Lords, absolutely blew me away. It brought in a couple of characters from previous seasons who I didn’t know, but that didn’t matter because they sort of explained them in a brief way anyway. At the end of Series three, that was it. No more Doctor Who until next year, two-thousand and eight. Which gave me ample time to catch up on every episode from series one, starting with Rose.

Back then, BBC Three was still on TV not exclusively on iPlayer, and about a couple of weeks after it started to air every episode, one per day, at seven O’clock. Rose all the way to the latest episodes. After school, that was my go to programme. And I fell in love with the show. Without going through each and every single episode individually – because there are over one-hundred and it would make this podcast too long, instead I’ll be only focusing on the latest episode, and how the show has changed over the years.

Doctor Who is probably the most versatile show around. It goes through so many changes, so many ‘soft-reboots’ new eras are practically completely different from previous eras, and that’s what makes the show so fascinating. The fact it’s capable of changing, keeps it fresh, and therefore entertaining. The show goes through a soft-reboot whenever the Doctor regenerates. New actor playing the Doctor, new personality, new stories, new monsters. The Show goes through a bigger reboot when more happens behind the scenes such as when in two-thousand and ten, when David Tennant stepped down from the role and Matt Smith became the Doctor. Not only that happened, but Russell T. Davies also left as showrunner and Steven Moffatt became the new showrunner. New Doctor, new companion, new showrunner – which in turn means new way of writing. It was a completely new fresh start for the show. The Eleventh Hour is also considered a brilliant way to start watching the show if you hadn’t before. It introduces the Doctor in a spectacular way, and shows just how powerful as a character he is.

Steven Moffatt’s era has been frequently criticised as being too complicated, a statement Steven shot down, but was an understandable and fair report, because Steven enjoyed his long running plot points that took a series or more to fully resolve, or complicated character timelines such as River Song. There was a lot that needed to be focused on and remembered between each episode, even an avid fan like me found it a little difficult to follow at times. That didn’t deter me from watching it though. It was still an amazing show, and I watched it every Saturday, religiously.

It was only a matter of time before Matt Smith decided to step away, and we were introduced to Peter Capaldi. This is where the show changed again, and this is where the fan base split. New Doctor, but not many people liked the meaner personality. However, as time went on, Peter’s Doctor mellowed enough for fans to warm to him, and even change their opinions from not a very good Doctor to one of the best Doctors.

Being an avid fan who loves the show, I’m often confusing people by criticising it as well and saying how certain episodes weren’t good, or even awful. They say, ‘you didn’t like that episode, I thought you liked the show.’ My favourite band is Nightwish, but that doesn’t stop me from saying I didn’t like some of their songs. Just because I consider something my favourite, doesn’t disallow me from criticising it. Fear Her was weird and stood out from series two in all the wrong ways, whereas Love and Monsters was weird and stood out from every other episode of series two for all the right reasons, but I can understand why it has been criticised in various ways. It was also the first Doctor-Light episode, an experiment that paid off as they copied that format in series three and four with Blink, and Turn Left. Dinosaurs on a Spaceship was too clunky for my taste – starting off silly and bubbly and then suddenly, completely unexpectedly, going dark. This might be the episode’s intention, but it didn’t sit right with me. The Power of Three was phenomenal with its slow mystery, right up to the end when the Doctor used his sonic screwdriver to fix everything. Attack the Moon attempted to suspend viewers’ belief even further than usual and didn’t sit well with fans. In the Forest of the Night was horrendous – enough said.

Series nine was phenomenal. Each story was told over two episodes, allowing each writer to expand on their idea, put a bit more detail in and the end result was incredible. The strongest series since five. Right up to the final episode, Hell-Bent. The previous episode, Heaven Sent, I was speechless throughout. Steven Moffatt had pulled off an episode that’s widely considered the best in the show’s history. It was a follow up Face the Raven where Clara had died at the end. Her character development saw her becoming too much like the Doctor, and paid for it. Not many people liked Clara, but thought it was a good idea to express she paid for her over eagerness. Heaven Sent saw the Doctor dealing with yet another loss of a companion, and saw the Doctor on his own for the entire episode. And then Hell-Bent undid those two episodes, brought Clara back and sent her off in her own TARDIS with Me as a Companion – and they actually didn’t answer the series long question, who is the hybrid. So… not the best ending.

Steven Moffatt was strongly for leaving after series nine, but decided at the last second to stay and do series ten. Unfortunately, series ten showed us that Steven should have left. His writing grew tired and the entirety of series ten was a let-down. Bill wasn’t fleshed out as other companions, her mother was only brought up briefly during an episode and never before seen again. Attempting to change the Mistress to a good person is a good idea, until you realise that the next time you see the character, all of that storyline would become irrelevant as the character would be crazy again. The only two good episodes was at the end, but even then there were a few flaws.

Series eleven. The biggest reboot of the show since series five. New Showrunner, Chris Chibnal, new Doctor, Jodie Whittaker, new way of writing, new companions, new monsters. It’s not just a new Doctor, however, but Jodie is the very first woman to portray the character, so it’s a massive reboot before mentioning anything else. One of the most notable elements of the show is it airing on Saturday nights, but Chris decided to change it to Sunday nights to give the new show a better chance. Everyone’s crazily busy these days, but winding down on Sunday before work on Monday, a tactic that I never considered before but does make complete sense.

There was a lot of pressure, a lot of responsibility for everyone on the team behind the scenes, but after seeing the first episode, I can safely say it was a reboot the show needed. It’s stripped everything back and started afresh. I thoroughly enjoyed the episode, and therefore am also relieved. I tried to remain neutral before the series began, but the hype was so strong, my excitement grew and subsequently did my worry of not enjoying the episode because it didn’t meet my unintentionally high expectations. Jodie Whittaker is most certainly the Doctor. They subtly slipped in a few references to us fans about how change, no matter how drastic is always a good thing. Reassuring us fans that everything is going to be OK. I firmly believe a huge chunk of those who believed the show was forever ruined but couldn’t resist seeing the episode enjoyed it as well, and spoke fondly of Jodie performance.

Establishing a new Doctor is always a strenuous task, because every showrunner is essentially working under the contradictory expression – same but different. Every soft-reboot has to be different from the former era, but retain enough similarities to keep within the overall tone – slash – atmosphere of the show previously. Changing the show but also keeping it the same is the basic principle that is the show. Changing to something completely different, but retaining the same core all the way through. We don’t see that only when the Doctor regenerates, but also during each era of the show. The Doctor is constantly up against challenges that test his character.

Thanks for reading

Antony Hudson

(TonyHadNouns)

Mum's Monday: Father Ted

Good Luck Father Ted.

In this first episode we are introduced to three Priests Father Ted Crilly (Dermot Morgan), Father Dougal McGuire (Ardal O’Hanlon) Father Jack Hackett (Frank Kelly) and their house keeper Mrs Doyle (Pauline McLynn) living/exiled on Craggy Island. Ted had some money resting in his account, Jack likes his Drink and girls a bit too much and Dougal is to say the least young and simple. It is strange what Dougal sees out the window and they have to remember that if Dougal wants to watch TV Jack doesn’t like it. It is amusing to see Dougal play a prank on Ted, but it wasn’t fun for Ted. I like the interpretation of a carrot and a donkey in the use of a bottle of drink and Jack. Fun Land has arrived on Craggy Island; I don’t know why they call it Fun but it is amusing. We are also introduced to the warring married couple John O’Leary (Patrick Drury) and Mary O’Leary (Rynagh O’Grady) who’s comic timing when they talk together and then Ted is well done. I don’t think Dougal is cut out to be a Priest, it is fun to listen to his take on religion. Father Ted and Jack should be careful where they sit and the TV people really should be careful who they interview.

Entertaining Father Stone.

Dougal hasn’t much of an imagination when offered three wishes. We are now introduced to Father Paul Stone (Michael Redmond), the most unreactive, uninteresting and uncommunicative Priest there is, he has visited every summer for six years. Breaking the news, that the household has a visitor to Jack, isn’t that straightforward. Having a bath is not so simple either. I don’t see why the birthday party was affected or evolved around father Stone. Also Ted should be careful what he wishes or prays for, but Paul is fine.

The Passion of Saint Tibulus.  

The build up to the question Dougal asks Bishop Len Brennan (Jim Norton) about his son is long and drawn out but it works so well. We find out more of why the three Priests are on Craggy Island. We also find out that to make something more popular you organise a protest against it. John and Mary are on fine form as always and Jack with the help of a controversial video recording saves the day. It seems they are staying put on the island. It is brilliant how all the aspects of the episode all links together.

Competition Time.

Normally you would say ‘You can’t have too many Elvis’s but Ted doesn’t agree. The set up on Father Dick Byrne (Maurice O’Donoghue) side of the telephone looks very familiar. You have to feel sorry for Henry sellers (Niall buggy) his quiz show however, is so well scripted you get some idea of what caused him the problem for him to leave the BBC. I am a bit concerned about Jack’s drinking problem, not so much of the amount of alcohol he drinks but what is included on the list of what he does drink, which strangely includes Toilet Duck. Now you have heard of the ‘Laughing Policeman’ but we have, you could say the ‘Laughing Priest’ and four hours in a car with said Priest is too long. Sorry the English papers are off limits. Mrs Doyle is persistent but giving a person with a drinking problem a sherry nightcap. Craggy Island is just not ready for the consequences, Sgt Deegan (John Olohan) seems to know what he is doing, it’s like watching a nature film. The genius idea for all the Priests to be Elvis deserves the 10 out of 10 it got.

And God Created Woman.

Anyone would think Father Ted is either being stalked or is doing the stalking or in other words, ‘good luck with the book’ Polly Clarke (Gemma Craven). The nuns have arrived and Father Ted has double booked for 7pm, it is a bit awkward when one lie after another is stumped by Dougal, and he’s off, he makes it to a house-warming via the post office. This is amusing to watch.

Grant Unto Him Eternal Rest.

With ear plugs the beginning is funny Father Jacks lips are moving but there is no sound. We see that floor polish and a priest don’t mix, resulting in Dougal reading, I want to say ‘the last rites’ but when he starts by trying to marry Jack to a nun I think he should leave the last rites to another Priest. However, there are some strange Priests out there and can money just rest in an account? It is sad to see Ted and Dougal don’t accept a female solicitor. It is nice to see Ted remember Jack in a good way, although the reality is not so nice. The snow scenes are lovely but Jack doesn’t like the words said. We see floor polish versus half a million pounds, half a million pounds would buy a lot of floor polish.

Hell.

July the 19^th, what happens on July the 19^th? Answer Holidays. It is great that we now know the difference between small cows and cows that are far away, it is so funny to watch. Just when the holiday looked dull, Father Noel Furlong (Graham Norton) turns up, although Ted would prefer the dullness. You just know which button will be pressed on the lorry, still amusing to watch though. It seems Jack had a better holiday.

Think Fast, Father Ted.

It is nice to see the raffle prize arrive to help raise funds for a leaky roof, but it doesn’t last long. Who’d have thought there was so much to talk about? on and on he goes. To hear the one song being played over and over again, I can’t help think this is strange because there is an A side and a B side to a vinyl record, so there would be a choice of two songs. When life gives with one hand, Jack, two trucks, a gambling Priest and a tree takes with the other.

Tentacles of Doom.

It is in no way strange how ghost stories can be disproved. With three Bishops visiting to upgrade a very important stone, which was so carefully chosen for the honour, well not really. The Craggy Island household has to prepare, this is amusing to watch preparations unfold and as well as fun it is also scary, when Mrs Doyle loses her contact lens. I am glad Ted told Dougal that the Bishops had arrived, they bring their own amusements. It is brilliant how each question can be answered by a few simple words. Coming up with the script must have took some thought. The conclusion, three Bishops arrive and one hippy, one Bishop leaves with a stone put somewhere with a paramedic in an ambulance and one coffin leave.

Old Grey Whistle Theft.

That is the strangest picnic I have ever seen. Now it is sad to see the dark side of the island, a crime has been committed. The horror of it quickly escalates. The whistle has been found and the correct culprit has been found out. Although sadly, Dougal hasn’t learnt anything from the experience.

A Song for Europe.

This shows Ted shouldn’t really do requests. Eurovision fever is running through the Craggy Island household and one quick phone call from Dick Byrne sees the song writing begin, well sort off. And let the performance commence, only to be shot at. A chance finding of a B side record and a plane crash sees the song for the competition has a whole new upgrade. However, after Ted takes an elevator, the song goes back to the original. It is clever, the reasons for the first surprise result.

The Plague.

At the start of this episode a naked sleep walking Priest can be more scary than a ghost and you have to question ‘How hard is it to name a rabbit? For Dougal very hard and leads to a lot of confusion. You have heard of the phrase ‘Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink’ well we have ‘Rabbits rabbits everywhere and a Bishop on his way who hates rabbits. Sadly, there are two meanings to ‘Take care of something’, one is nurture, feed and give them a pen to run around in and the second one is in a gangster kind of way where the outcome is not good, this also shows you should never annoy someone holding a sword. Whilst Bishop Brennan is checking out the security arrangements to stop Jack escaping and sleep walking again Mrs Doyle finds the Bishops car which is actually petrol we amusingly find out. This shows that when you have a plague of rabbits, you put them in the last place the Bishop would look, in his room of course. The room behind the kitchen and the cellar are just too obvious. It seems Jack is like the ‘Pied Piper’ to rabbits and his car is the least of Bishop Brennan’s worries though by the end. This episode is fun and keeps you on the edge of your seat as to when the Bishop would come across the rabbits.

Rock A Hula Ted.

As with everything there always seems to be someone in opposition, in this case Niamh Connolly (C.P. Grogan).  Someone ought to tell the Priest that it is only faulty or shoddy because he is breaking it. It is amusing to see Ted judge the ‘Lovely Girls’ competition because of a well-timed punch in the stomach from Jack. And yes Dougal there is someone at the door, you hear it because you are standing next to it, so it is silly that he is calling for Mrs Doyle. Whilst Ted is out, on bad advice given to Dougal, Dougal gives away the house to Niamh. It is good to see Mrs Doyle will hopefully be appreciated from now on as making tea falls apart in her absence.

Cigarettes and Alcohol and Rollerblading.

Lent has come around and Ted, Dougal and Jack as is required of Lent, it is known that you have to give up something. It is a shame Ted didn’t give up being gullible. The hallucinations are so funny. It seems Ted Dougal and Jack need help, but strangely it is going to cost money. It is good to see Jack sober, it is also so funny him getting to grips of where he is, who he is with and life as a whole. It is good to see that a blue jumper is so important in Dougal’s life. And so the basic package /sacrifice begins. I would hate to see a loud getaway, they return with some new information and now we see Sister Assumpta (Rosemary Henderson) owes Ted a favour and he knows just the thing, whilst Ted, Dougal and Jack are having some fun.   

New Jack City.

Jacks hairy hands have reached stage six, so an over protected Doctor Sinnot (Vass Anderson) needs to take a look at him. It seems Jack has to go away. It is sad to see Jack has been replaced. It seems inappropriate to say about a program about Priests ‘Better the Devil you know’ but in this case the term fits. There is just one thing to do after a few attempts, get Jack back.

Flight of terror.

Ted, Dougal and Jack are on a flight, this shows what you shouldn’t say or for that matter do on an aeroplane. This also shows the importance of listening during an emergency. it also it seems sticky tape can save the day. It is funny to see what Ted bought home from the flight.

Are you right there, Father Ted?

Sadly, for Father Ted old habits die hard. When it comes to war memorabilia there are appropriate and inappropriate items, Ted has certainly made his choice. Who’d have thought cleaning could be so boring then fun, well not for the people from the Chinatown area of the island. It is sad to see things escalate, and Ted is ‘Not a Racist’. I suppose Dougal had to have a good idea at some point. This episode shows the importance of keeping medicine and poison safely separately. When a Priest’s last wishes and a delivery gets muddled up it doesn’t look good for Ted, and a year’s supply of whiskey didn’t last long, once Jack got hold of it.

Chirpy Burpy Cheap Sheep.

The sound effects are well timed and so amusing although some are not the record. It is lovely to see Jack having time off from his usual self. It looks like the islanders have to look out for the beast. Hiding in a cupboard, yes may be safe. It was thoughtful of Mrs Doyle to get some special sheep tea. It wasn’t a good idea to leave Dougal sheep sitting. It seems Ted’s detective work has sadly lost them the heating money, but still it was good to see justice win out.

Speed 3.

Well the new milkman Pat Mustard (Pat Laffan) has certainly made an impression on the island. So much so that he loses his job and now Dougal is filling in, but Pat after being a bit crude has left a present on the milk float. The dramatic scenes keep you on the edge of your seat, however, ridicules it gets. The Mass was a nice touch but was no help at all, it is time for action, not another Mass and also not a time to watch a film. It is good to see a brick become very useful and Dougal returning to the Priesthood with some amusing added knowledge about the women on the milk round. It is fun to see the brick return safely back to Ted and he may agree when he regains consciousness.

The Mainland.

Ted, Dougal, Jack and Mrs Doyle are on the mainland. Jack is at the opticians. This shows how advertising and promotional perks can even affect an eye test and is not necessarily a good idea. This also shows that if a TV personality has a catch phrase, in this case Richard Wilson (Himself) AKA Victor Meldrew from ‘One Foot in the Grave’ ‘I Don’t Believe it’, chances are you wouldn’t be the first person to have some fun with it. This episode shows that if you go for coffee you really ought to work out who pays at the end. It is so funny to see Jack accidently at an Alcoholic Anonymous AA meeting. Whilst all this is going on Ted and Dougal are now lost in the caves with Father Noel Furlong and his group, this doesn’t end well for Noel, his group however, are off abroad and what is a bin man going to do? Answer, ride his dust cart and collect bins.  Who’d have thought that a trip to the mainland would lead Ted to spending his 200 pound winnings to bail Mrs Doyle and Jack out of jail. ‘I Don’t Believe it’ they return home and they have a visitor. Richard Wilson was a good sport.

Escape from Victory.

Ted has gone mad, convinced he has been bugged and with football fever it seems he is mad, but when Dougal goes for an ice cream the van makes a quick getaway. I never thought I’d see the day where Jack says ‘More water’ but in certain circumstances I see why he said it. Also how hard can it be to stop the corner flags being stolen. I see it will take a bit of time for Mrs Doyle to understand and support football, but she is getting there. We see the results of reading a book, the power of a book it has unleashed a group of women football supporters, and when it matters the corner flags are safe, which is good to see. Oh no the forfeit has arrived and that will be the next episode…

Kicking Bishop Brennan up the Arse.

It seems it is looking harder to do than Ted first thought, it is surprising that Dougal has come up with a good idea. it is amusing to see Bishop Brennan rendered speechless. Mrs Doyle can only go on what she has been told, he says the opposite of what he means. Sarcasm is not a good idea. What Bishop Brennan says to the Pope shouldn’t be the first thing he says to him however, amusing it is to watch. It is good to see Dougal was listening and followed Ted’s orders to the letter, well not for Ted.

Night of the Nearly Dead.

Poetry fever has hit Craggy Island. This is a perfect example of the difference between a TV face and real life and in some cases ‘You should never meet your hero’.

Going to America.

Ted has a hidden agenda to saving Father Kevin’s (Tommy Tiernan) life, 20 quid. I don’t think playing ‘Snakes and Ladders’ is the best game to play with someone who is depressed. Father Buzz Cagney (Jeff Harding) is impressed by Ted’s lifesaving skills and has made Ted an offer he isn’t refusing. It is nice to see Kevin cured through the power of music, well almost. It seems America isn’t the dream posting Ted thought it would be. It is nice to see all the fun Ted and the others have had over the years again ‘Better the devil you know’ although as a program about Priests not the Devil but the equivalent.

Jerry's Journal: Making a Full Recovery

On one walk last weekend, Jerry got too excited and bounced around in the woods, and he hurt his back right leg. This Friday, he went for an X-ray to determine any damage and to what extent, but luckily it wasn't serious. He will make a full recovery after two weeks of strict rest with gradual increase of exercise during the second week.

The picture shows his bubbly self with a bandage on his front leg where they injected the anesthetic for the X-ray.

Thanks for reading

Antony Hudson

(TonyHadNouns)

The Written Podcast: Meal Deals

I was driving along the M25 a few months ago, with my friend in the car – it was busy, but moving steadily. There were no speed restrictions so in those occasional moments of clarity, I was able to press down on the accelerator and reach 70MPH. Alas, not for long before having to slow down for no reason other than the fact it was just clogged with traffic.

I live in Manningtree, so on average it takes about 1 hour to reach the M25 via the A12. I frequently take long road trips, usually to Brighton – a trip that takes, on average, 2 hours 30 minutes, and I can make that in one go without having to stop. However, on this particular occasion, there was a strange rattling in the back of my car, as if something had come loose. It didn’t sound great, and so I pulled over to inspect, and it turned out to be nothing but my dog’s water bowl I keep in the back for whenever I take my dog out on hot days; it had come loose and was sliding and bouncing up and down in time with the bumps in the road.

Since I had pulled over and was currently sitting in a carpark for services, why not pop in and grab some snacks and a drink for the remainder of the journey, which was an idea my friend seconded, so we popped in to see what the shop had.

We weren’t looking for anything in particular, just something – chocolate, crisps, fizzy drink. When browsing for whatever we fancied, I noticed the shop had a meal deal, an offer comprised of a sandwich, drink, and either a chocolate bar or bag of crisps, and is a common offer among many shops, usually supermarkets.

Before I disclose the total price of this meal deal, which by the way, took me by complete surprise at how expensive it was – Tesco’s, Morrison’s, Sainsbury’s, The Cooperative, all have meal deals. For some reason Asda refuses to have one for reasons not quite established. They’re a major supermarket chain constantly competing with the others, you would think they’d have at least some deal to entice the masses. Tesco’s, Morrison’s, and Sainsbury’s’s meal deal are £3, whereas the Cooperative’s £3.50. You can get some decent products in each of the deals. My personal opinion is favouring Morrison’s as they had opened up their deal to include a large range of food and drink. I was able to buy a three-layered sandwich with some fancy name for the main course, a decent sized sausage roll for the snack, and a large 500ML drink. Tesco was forced to open up their meal deal in the hopes of competing with Morrison’s, but due to financial problems, they recently had no choice but to reduce the choice considerably. The Cooperative, at £3.50, whilst is dearer, doesn’t mean you can’t get good products.

Setting the base line for meal deals at £3, is a good price. Most of the time, if you were to buy the products individually, the total price would always be more than £3, and if you buy the right products, you can save nearly £2. What’s not to like for your lunch.

Back to me standing in the services beside the M25, it was probably a chain of some sorts that only exists on motorways, but I had never heard of the shop and I cannot remember the name for this blog anyway, but the important part is, their meal deal wasn’t exactly a deal. Well, comparative to the individual prices, then sure it is. £4.50.

£1.50 more than Tesco, Sainsbury’s and Morrisons, and £1 more than The Cooperative. As I stated, the individual products were of themselves, ludicrously expensive. £3.75 for a sandwich, £1.20 for a bottle of water, and £1.10 for a brownie half the size of the palm of my hand. If brought separately the total would be £6.00, so cutting the total down via the meal deal to £4.50 is a saving of £1.50, which is about the average saving in the major supermarkets. Your spending more money, yet saving the same amount of money as well.

To us as customers, if there wasn’t a meal deal offered, then we would probably be hesitant spending £6.00 for a sandwich that isn’t too far different from what you’d get from the major supermarkets, the same branded drink, and a snack that has been prepared in store, but is microscopic in comparison. So as customers, seeing a meal deal is probably a relief, as you know you’re going to save money no matter what three products you buy, except it’s probably the most expensive meal deal you’ve ever brought. I certainly haven’t seen a more expensive meal deal since.

How can they ramp up the price of their meal deal? Surely, keeping the price as cheap as possible would bring in more customers. Surely, making the same food as you’d get everywhere else more expensive than everywhere else shouldn’t be allowed. Well, there’s no rule or law saying they cannot, and the reason why these shops on the side of motorways do raise their prices is the same reason why burger vans at fair can raise their prices. It’s not about attracting more customers, it’s about those customers not having a choice. The M25 is always busy, there are always going to be people who need a break from driving, and who are hungry. They have to stop off to get something to eat and drink, so they have no choice but to spend £4.50 – with the added bonus of being happy you’ve saved money as well, psychologically speaking, I guess.

That burger van at the fair – you don’t have to buy their burgers, but you’ll go hungry. Or you can go somewhere else. But, the burger van next door is just as expensive. But you don’t have to buy their burgers either, but you’ll go hungry. You can go somewhere else… you see where I’m going with this. And it’s the same with services on motorways. You can go somewhere else, but they won’t be any cheaper. Spend the money or go hungry.

Eliminating the choice for necessity is common among these motorway services, burger vans; it’s become common knowledge that the thrill of saving money doesn’t flare up anymore, because we’re expecting to pay high prices, but they basically have the same food. A burger van at a fair can explain the reason for their high prices because their meat is better – it came from a cow that was treated well, led a happy life, and the meat was prepared in specific conditions to make sure it remained as healthy as possible. McDonald’s state the same, though, and I can pick up a cheeseburger for £0.99p. Why? McDonald’s are everywhere. Most of the time there’re multiple McDonald’s in the same town, not too far from each other. They don’t have to increase their prices because the volume of customers makes their profits. If a McDonald’s popped up at a fair or was part of motorway services, they still don’t have to increase their prices.

So, looking at the other side of the coin, there is an understanding notion of independency. These shops may be part of a chain, but only exist on motorways, and whilst there is plenty of motorway in England, there can only really be so many of one particular shop, especially since there are multiple shops all competing to make as much profit as possible. These shops are limited. These shops don’t have as much volume, and so need to make that all important profit. It’s not about the volume of people, it’s about those who have to eat – and comparatively, there are more people who drive by than stopping in.

In other words, they have no choice but to raise their prices, because they need to make that profit. If motorway shops were in the high street selling their products for the same price, people would avoid it and go to McDonald’s, and understandably so. Why go somewhere expensive when you can get the same stuff for much cheaper?

They can get away with raising their prices because they’re the only ones available for food and drink, but they’re also raising their prices because they’re the only ones on the motorway and nowhere else. They can get away with it because not only because they can, but because they have to.

There is that argument stating, if they lowered their prices, more people would stop by. In theory, maybe. But in practice, no. Only those needing to stop will stop.

In a way, from the perspective of the customers, it’s not about the price, it’s about, well, having food and drink. If they need it, they’ll have it. If they don’t, they won’t. Lowering their prices won’t change their need. May tempt a few more, but not enough to sustain a decent enough profit margin.

A £4.50 meal deal may seem a lot, but to be honest, upon looking at each perspective, it doesn’t seem that much. In fact, it’s a rational increase. Decrease the number of shops, increase the prices. Increase the number of shops, decrease the prices. That’s what I’ve taken away from looking at the sizes of Tesco, Morrisons, and Sainsbury’s in comparison to the shops on the motorway. You’re still saving the same amount of money either way.

Thanks for reading

Antony Hudson

(TonyHadNouns)