Film of the Week: Titanic II

When I heard that there was a film called Titanic II, I felt almost compelled to research some more and upon discovering that this film was indeed real, I switched from curiosity to confusion. I didn’t know anything about the film other than it had been made.

I should have just checked out the Wikipedia page and read a condensed overview of the plot because I can say with absolute certainty that would have been much more entertaining. My confusion switched straight back to curiosity once more and a small voice inside my head urged me to watch it, and so I did.

I knew before I even pressed play that Titanic II wouldn’t necessarily be the best film ever. To be honest, with no in depth research, I wasn’t sure what I should have been expecting. 100 years after the sinking of the RMS Titanic, Titanic II has been built and sets off for its maiden voyage but going the opposite route as the original, from New York to Belfast. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to them, shortly after setting sale, a massive iceberg breaks loose from the Antarctic and falls into the waters below, erupting a massive tsunami that grows in strength the closer it becomes to the ship. The tsunami strikes the ship, flipping it over, causing it to sink. Essentially, history is repeating itself.

It is a complete waste of time. I wasn’t expecting much, but what I got was dire. I would rather sit in front of a blank screen for 90 minutes. If ever there was a period of time that I would like to get back, it would be when watching this. There was so much I could have done in 90 minutes, but instead I chose to sit and watch this film. Why, because my curiosity kept me glued to the chair. I was hooked because I wanted to know what happens in a film that calls itself Titanic II. I was finding any entertainment at all, but yet I kept watching. I drew me in and I didn’t switch it off or do something else with this in the background right up to the end credits. That’s what I don’t understand about this film. The story’s poor, the special effects are incredibly cheap, the acting is questionable, when there’s supposed to be these emotional scenes I felt nothing because the characters weren’t fleshed out enough for me to know anything about them. There are scenes that you know are supposed to be funny, but didn’t get any reaction from me whatsoever. It is currently sitting comfortably in my worse films list, but it’s not that far up.

It’s not the worst film I’ve ever seen. In fact, the two worst films I’ve ever watched I couldn’t actually finish them because they were that bad. There are a number of times throughout this film where I should have switched it off never to be viewed again, but my hand never reached for the remote.

Whether it’s because the film focused on Titanic’s predecessor ship or there was actually something woven between the lines subliminally showing me that subsequently keeping me locked down, I’m not sure. The subliminal messages can’t have been that effective, though, because I never want to see the film again. The only way I can think they successfully injected the film with subliminal messages was intentionally make the film bad instead of the final cut being bad after some serious work, giving off a different kind of atmosphere and keeping me firmly in my sofa until the end where I can then give my verdict. Incidentally, I never want to see the film again. Of course there’s no way of proving whether my conspiracy is true or not, but it’s certainly the excuse I’m going to use whenever someone tries to tempt me into watching it again, no matter how crazy they think I am.

It’s at this point that I reveal I’m writing this article not after immediately seeing the film, but a couple of years after. I’m writing this by memory. That’s yet another annoying power this film has. It’s etched itself into my long-term memory so even if I don’t want to watch it ever again, I don’t have to, because I can replay it in my mind over and over and over and over and over and over...

“TonyHadNouns’ Blogs would like to apologise for the abrupt end to this article. This is due to Antony Hudson going insane and needs time to recover, but don’t worry, he will be back next week with another film. We’ll make sure he watches something good this time.”