The Watch – Part 228:

(Tom’s perspective)

After we had our picnic, we talked for hours. I’m surprising myself with how many things there are to talk about when unconscious. At first, the topics were light-hearted and easy to talk about: Favourite song, film, TV show, all the stuff you’ve heard before, but then it quickly changed pace and went down a route I had a feeling it would but hoped that it wouldn’t.

‘Have you made up your mind about telling Alex yet?’ Alex asked. I sighed.

‘I’m not sure if telling her that I love her is the best thing to do,’ I said.

‘Why’s that?’ she asked.

‘Well, because she wouldn’t be expecting it,’ I said.

‘No one expects to be told that they are loved by someone,’ Amy said. ‘But that doesn’t stop them hoping that someone would.’

‘Yeah, I know that,’ I said knowing that I didn’t explain myself very well, ‘but I mean, she found out about Sebastian, his watch and everything else, including me and all that, you know,’ I waved my hand, signalling that I’m getting to the point, ‘so being told that I love her is only going to make things worse.’ I still have fully explained myself, which is another reason why I shouldn’t tell her. If I can’t explain it well now, then I’m not going to make a good impression when I tell her in real life. ‘I think that if I tell her that I love her, then I will drive her away for good.’

‘How do you know that?’ Sebastian asked. Good question. I don’t know what Alex is thinking this very second. I don’t know what she has concluded. She could be waiting for me. Or she could be expecting me to never show up again.

‘Look, it’s safe to say that I won’t be answering the question any time soon, so can we move on from this. All I want to do is have a good time before I wake up. OK.’

‘But by just telling yourself that you don’t want to carry on with this isn’t going to help much. We’re all your subconscious, remember. We’re you. If you want to talk about it, then we’re going to talk about it,’ Alex said, sternly. ‘Deep down, you know you want to find the answer, but scared of what you might find.’

‘Why am I scared about what I might find?’ I asked. ‘It’s either I tell her or I don’t, what’s so scary about that?’

‘You can’t hide anything from us,’ Sebastian said. ‘We know everything that you are thinking.’ Now that’s just creepy. Well, technically it isn’t creepy considering they are my subconscious, but saying it in that way is definitely creepy.

‘Sorry,’ Sebastian said. ‘I didn’t mean to scare you.’

‘That’s OK.’ Can we move on from here?’

‘You want to move on?’ Alex asked.

‘You would know, if you’re me…’ that didn’t sound creepy at all… ‘Then why I can’t I hear what you’re thinking?’ I have a feeling that is a very stupid question.

‘It is,’ Alex said, frankly. ‘We’re your subconscious,’ she said again.

‘So you keep telling me,’ I said.

‘And you never know what your subconscious is thinking.’

‘I’m pretty sure you do. Instincts come from you, those sudden brainwaves you get come from you, and whenever I am stuck on a particular problem, I let you take care of it whilst I’m doing something else.’ I think that has to be the most profound thing I’ve ever said… if profound is the correct word. I’m not sure if that is the correct word. But it sounds right.

‘It is true that we help you out when you need us,’ Alex explained, ‘but they are only the products at the end of us thinking things over,’ she said.

‘I think I can understand that,’ I said. It does make sense.

‘Well, that’s the best explanation I’ve got,’ she said. I need to get used to them knowing what I’m thinking.

‘You will,’ Alex smiled. We stopped talking and dropped into silence for a while. I’ve only just noticed that there are no birds in the sky on in the trees. It is literally just us four. I think we got a little off track there.

‘But you’re not going to help me with this dilemma, though,’ I said, referencing that I can’t just give them the problem of whether I should tell Alex that I love her or not to my subconscious to mull it over for a couple of hours before giving me the answer.

‘Unfortunately, we can only help you decide. This is a problem that you alone must decide.’

‘But if you can’t tell me how she would react, then there’s no definitive answer,’ I said.

‘Which is why you must do what you believe is the right answer. That way, you will explain yourself with confidence, and stand more of a chance of Alex understanding why you chose to pursue that route.’

‘That sentence was longer than you expected, isn’t it?’

‘Be serious,’ Alex said, sternly.

‘Sorry.’

‘Just try and answer the question. You have no distractions, and if you need our help, we’ll be right here.’

That sounds a bit patronising.

‘I don’t understand what you mean?’ Alex asked.

‘I mean, I’m getting a little tired that I’m not getting anywhere. I thought being here would allow me to have break from the world, but no, that’s not possible is it,’ I said, angrily.

‘If you remain calm,’ Amy said.

‘Why would remaining calm help me,’ I snapped. ‘It hasn’t helped me before, so I don’t see it helping me any time soon. I want to move on to a different subject please.’

‘Why do you want to move on to a different subject?’ Amy asked.

‘Aren’t you listening? I want to talk about something different because I’m getting bored of having the same conversation over and over and over again. Three times I’ve had this conversation, and I’m getting pretty sick of it.’

‘Then sit back, relax, and think about the answer, then you can move on knowing that you don’t have to come back to this topic again.’

‘Don’t you understand,’ I said. ‘I did decide on an answer. Back when I was trapped in that glass container with Amy, I decided that I was going to tell Alex everything the moment that I get out of there, and then suddenly I’m trapped in yet another Parallel Universe with no way of telling when I would be leaving it… and it was because of that, that I started having doubts on whether I should tell her or not.’ Something makes sense; trying to click into place. ‘So even if I do find that all-important answer, what’s stopping something random happening that puts the doubts right back in my head again?’

Then the realisation hit me. That’s the problem. I have doubts. Or in other words: I am scared. Or course I’m scared. Anyone who’s anyone would be scared if they found themselves in my position. But those people don’t have the one thing that I have. I have Sebastian, and Sebastian has the one thing that nobody has: The Watch. I may have been hoping that Sebastian would come and get me, but I never truly believed it. I could be anywhere within the sea of infinite universes, so I had a reason to doubt. But, if I know Sebastian, and I do, he is actively trying to find me. And that means I will be going home. And that means I will be meeting up with Alex again. And that means I can tell her what’s going on.

That’s the answer. That’s the reason.

I was scared, doubtful, disbelieving. I never expected to go home. I never expected to be found. I never expected anything except to remain on this world forever. I don’t blame myself for thinking that, it is totally rational to be scared. Who wouldn’t? Well, Sebastian wouldn’t, but that’s beside the point. What I have discovered is that I shouldn’t be scared anymore.

I love Alex. And when I go back home, I will find her and tell her everything. I am not scared of her answer, either. Whatever she says is her decision. I am not scared.

A great wave of relief spread through the air, lifting the tension off of my shoulders. I didn’t feel any tension before, but now that it has finally been taken from me, I can feel just how much was sitting on my shoulders. As the tension lifted, it brought my smile up along with it.

‘So, what do you want to talk about now?’

‘One more thing,’ Alex asked.

‘Go on,’ I said. One more thing wouldn’t hurt.

‘Are you worried about what is going to happen when you wake up?’ she asked. A fair question. I did think about it for a while before answering as I didn’t want to fall back to the beginning again.

‘It would be silly of me to not be worried,’ I said rationally, ‘but whether I’m going to let it affect me as much as it has done, then no, in that context, I am not worried.’

‘I think we can all agree with that answer,’ Alex said.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Thanks for reading

Antony Hudson

(TonyHadNouns)