The Watch – Part 150:

Amy opened her eyes. She blinked the dust out from the corner of her eyes and stretched her arms outwards to bring some energy into them. Then she noticed me sitting on the chair beside her bed.

‘Hey?’ she asked, surprised.

‘Are you alright?’ I asked.

‘I’m fine,’ Amy answered. I breathed a sigh of relief. ‘I feel fine. Why, what happened back there? How long have you been sitting there? All night?’

I didn’t know what else to do. After what happened, I just couldn’t bring myself to lie down and close my eyes; I knew I would be constantly turning over and over with strong, vivid dreams. I had to rest, let my brain settle down and think things over.

‘I didn’t want to be alone,’ I said honestly. Amy sat up straight, trying to understand my emotion by studying me. I tried so many combinations of words in my head to start of this conversation, but not one stuck.

‘You don’t know what to say,’ she stated.

‘I don’t know how to start, how you would react, or how you would see me from then on,’ I said. I was scared.

‘OK,’ Amy said wonderingly as she tried to figure out the pieces from what I have given her. I think I’m going about this the wrong way.

‘Sorry,’ I said, bowing my head. I stared at the ground, hoping that the words would just fall out.

‘What for? You can’t be sorry about something if I don’t know what you’re being sorry for,’ she said wisely. ‘Listen. I know you’ve heard this so many times before that it’s practically becoming boring to here, but from the looks of things, you need to be reminded of it again.’

‘I know,’ I said before she could say it, ‘you’re always there for me.’ We’re not getting anywhere, just dancing around the subject. ‘I had better get going,’ I said standing up. Maybe I would be able to explain things better if I did get some sleep.

‘No,’ Amy said sternly. ‘You’re not going anywhere until you’ve explained what happened. And that’s an order.’ I stopped by the door with my hand on the handle ready to turn and leave. I could feel Amy’s eyes on the back of my neck, ordering me to turn around and tell her everything so I can get it off my chest. I sighed, knowing that if I don’t get it out in the open now, it will burst out of me sooner or later, when I least expect it, and that’s the worst thing that can happen.

I turned around on my heels and sat back down on the chair with my head in my hands.

‘I don’t know how to start,’ I admitted.

‘There’s only one place that you can start any story off,’ Amy shrugged, ‘from the beginning.’ She has a point.

‘OK,’ I said. And I started to explain what happened. I explained everything from the moment that I was suddenly taken from the living room to the salt plains, met Magician and the tests he put me through. Amy listened without saying a word, waiting until I had come to a natural end before saying anything because she knew that my momentum would only break if she did.

I then moved on to explain about doing whatever it takes to get the task done and how I felt bad about not coming up with a better solution, one that didn’t require transporting the other Amy from this world to another without explaining anything. She didn’t know what was going on and so it was totally not fair what I did. It was wrong. And then I rounded off by telling Amy the promise that I made, about how I would never cross that line again, how I would always do whatever it takes to get the job done, but always making sure that I think things through before acting.

‘… And then we’re here,’ I finished before dropping back into silence. Amy knew that I had nothing more to say, but she was waiting for my words to sink in. We sat in silence as she calculated everything, formed an opinion, before expression it in the only way I know she could.

Then she did something unexpected. At first I thought she was getting up to leave and never come back, which I wouldn’t blame her for doing, but instead she walked around the bed and hugged me tightly. It was an indescribable hug; I just didn’t know what it was supposed to be representing, but if felt comfortable. It took a couple of seconds before my arms came alive and hugged her back.

Amy said softly, ‘I’m going to be honest and say that I don’t know what to say, and I’m going to be blunt and say that what you did wasn’t the best answer,’ she paused for a second. Now that she had started talking, more words came together in her mind, ‘but, I believe in the strength of the promise you made. I don’t need to give you a lecture on what you did wrong, because I know you know, and I would be insulting your intelligence if I did, which would go against what I am about to say next.

I believe in that you won’t make the same mistake twice. I do understand why you made such a decision, because you wanted to save me and your head was full with so many emotions: worry, sorrow, and so many more. Any action that would see you out of that particularly dark tunnel does seem the only one and therefore the best action to take.

‘I believe in you because you’ve accepted that. You’ve understood how I feel and how yourself feel. Only when you’ve hit rock bottom do you realise how far you’ve fallen, and it takes someone stronger than the person who fell to climb back up. If you are willing, and I know you are, you can be that stronger person. That is why I am hugging you. I’m giving you the first rung of the ladder.’

I was stunned. After everything that I’ve done, Amy is still here.

‘I don’t understand,’ I said. ‘How can you still be so supportive of me?’ It was an honest question. I had to find out the answer.

‘Because,’ Amy said, unwrapping her arms around me and looking directly at me, ‘there is no such thing as a bad decision.’

‘I don’t understand,’ I said.

‘Every decision is the right one until told otherwise. Once you’ve made that decision, and it didn’t turn out the way you wanted it to, but you know what you did wrong, then you are ninety-nine percent of the way towards redeeming yourself, then you can turn the tables to your advantage. You can turn a bad decision into a good one and come out of the other end standing taller than you were before, stronger, and wiser.’

What Amy said opened my eyes.

‘And, I believe you are capable of doing just that. I will be here, by your side, every step of the way, no matter what, just like I promised I would.’

I feel this is the end of a chapter and the beginning of something new. I feel as if I can move on from this and be something more. For too long I’ve let my nerves guide me and make me miss out on so much stuff. That’s going to stop.

‘Not bad for someone who said they didn’t know what to say,’ I smiled.

‘Yeah, I shouldn’t have started with that,’ Amy said. ‘Come on, you had better get some rest, then we can figure out what to do next.’

TO BE CONTINUED…

Thanks for reading

Antony Hudson

(TonyHadNouns)